EXPLAINING SUICIDE FROM A SPIRITUAL PERSPECTIVE
Anthony Bourdain’s suicide in France in 2018 gave his soul the right to address the subject and what happens next.
Suicide is a sensitive topic to attempt so I’ll tippy toe into this one so as not to be insensitive to families whose loved ones have left them by taking their own lives or offending deeply religious people who could believe suicide is a mortal sin.
There are many justifications for a person leaving this life on their own terms. For some, biochemistry plays a role, or a painful or traumatic illness—either emotional, spiritual or physical which provides the environment that makes escaping their only perceived option—much like a man throwing himself out a window because his clothes are on fire.
In all cases, suicide is a tragedy and not always an act of despair. Suicide generally delivers a staggering blow to the family and friends left behind and if you ask many who have survived the suicide of a loved one, they will tell you that here is a huge difference between falling victim to suicide and killing oneself.
With that said, many people still cannot resist the tendency to judge.
Anthony Bourdain (1956-2018), when he came to me this year, had something to offer on the subject and in terms of his experience once he reached the “other side”.
As you remember, Bourdain was a celebrity chef, author and travel documentarian best known for his programs focusing on the exploration of international culture and cuisine. He was a student from both Vassar College and The Culinary Institute of America, and soon became a media darling with his food and world-travel shows on the food Network and CNN. He also wrote both fiction and historical nonfiction. Anthony Bourdain died of suicide by hanging in France while on location for his show, Parts Unknown. He shares this detailed explanation:
“Most believe suicide is a sin because it inflicts so much pain on those left behind—but the act itself, is not. Yes, we pay for that action (on the “other side”) by feeling the pain it caused those we love; how we screwed up business ventures financially and how that may have hurt our partners and investors; and how we disappointed our followers, if we had them.
“Still, with the act, itself—it is most always part of the plan we developed before we came here. Maybe not the actual suicide, but the fact that we will face either relentless or horrific pain in one form of another in our lifetime: emotional, spiritual or physical, which we are hopefully equipped to survive. But some of us are not and it’s those who end it all. Not soldiering through that pain is a weakness we are forced to relive when we return. Then, it will not be the exact same pain, but we come to develop, in that lifetime, the inner, spiritual strength to survive the trauma.
That inner, spiritual strength can only come with possessing enough unconditional love in our souls. The kind of undying love that provides faith, hope and love of self that makes taking our own life impossible.
The eventual journey of the soul, though lifetimes, it’s all about returning to the perfect state God created us to be in the first place, with that tiny spark of Him within us, from our soul’s origins. After the spark, we’re deposited on this earth to face all the challenges of living life, and those challenges are many. They’re all designed to refine us until our souls are pure enough (in love) to reflect the face of God.
Ever hear that metaphor about silver? Well, maybe Sandy will quote that for you”
I’ll try. In the Bible it says about the work of a silversmith: “And he shall sit as a refiner and purifier of silver” (Mal. 3:3). However, the story (author unknown) goes as follows: A man visited a silversmith to watch him work. The silversmith held the piece of silver over the fire to let it heat up and explained that in refining silver, one must hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest in order to burn away all the impurities. He must also watch the process at all times and leave it long enough to serve the purpose, but not too long as the fires would destroy it.
When the silversmith was asked, “How do you know when silver is fully refined?” He smiled and answered, “Oh, that’s easy — when I see my image in it.”
The process is not unlike our soul’s journey on earth. Life provides the fire in which our
souls can be refined enough that eventually God can see his reflection in it. Since God is love, returning the soul to pure unconditional love (in God’s image) is the eventual goal. Often that process takes a while.
“We return over and over as we recognize the imperfections in ourselves during our life review on the “other side”. We feel how we hurt others from what we did or didn’t do, what we said or didn’t say, and how we felt—which of course, others in our sphere felt or sensed, too. We think those feelings didn’t show but they did: the indifference, disdain, resentment, jealousy, anger, contempt, frustration and rage, all did. All those emotions, which are the antithesis of love-based emotions, hurt others—and yes, cause an impact.
“So, when we see how imperfect we were at trying to achieve God-like perfection in our souls (simply, returning to a state of unconditional love)—we decide to come back to work on those issues. Sometimes we move through that process quickly. Sometimes it takes multiple lifetimes.”
Anthony’s explanation is one of the clearest on why souls return to the life experience—sometimes over and over—as well as what the overarching goal of life really is—for our souls to one day return to its God-like state, pure unconditional love.
“I realize I got off on a tangent here, and I didn’t do that to excuse the act of taking my own life nor to explain why I did what I did to others. I did so merely to help reduce the tendency some have to make firm judgments regarding others. Sandy teaches that in many of her books and articles, or at least, she suggests that dropping judgment is the wisest course to take—simply because we never know the entire picture of a person’s life, their journey or what the big picture of any of our eventual existences are. We only begin to glean that bigger picture when we arrive on the “other side”.
I had a grand life. I loved my adventures, and I hope you enjoyed my journeys, both gastronomically and geographically. It was my calling, to benefit others. My exit, however, was a personal one—for the benefit of my soul growth. Signing off, once again, Anthony Bourdain”
So, perhaps the lesson here is that suicide is a complex and very personal issue so judging the act is best left to the person who has died to eventually do that. It’s simply not for us to do.