IS BEING OVERCONTROLLING HARMFUL?
Karen Carpenter, the poster girl for Anorexia, explains how being overcontrolling can actually kill us!
We all know being an overcontrolling parent or partner isn’t great, in fact, it’s terribly destructive to most any relationship. But, what about the harm it might cause to the person doing the control? Let’s take a deeper dive into overcontrolling behavior to see if we can understand the whole thing better.
Trying to overcontrol anything in life is never healthy—even to the person who wants control. Being overcontrolling is a fear-based emotion that’s tied to fearing loss, rejection, lack of status or many other fears. There are degrees in this behavior and when not well disciplined this trait can lead to the individual’s excessive stress, anxiety and sense of inner turmoil that can also manifest in disease.
There are other symptoms of overcontrolling behavior that step it all up a notch like becoming emotionally, physically or sexually abusive; smothering loved ones with over-protection; becoming dishonest and lying to maintain one’s place or even self-harm. You can see how this bad habit can progress.
People who feel desperate to control themselves because they feel they have no control over the life going on around them can also develop eating disorders or chronic depression—both of which can cause their own death.
Our guest today, Karen Carpenter (1950-1983) speaks on that very subject and what she learned about being obsessively controlling—all from the other side. Karen, as everyone remembers, was a partner in the singing group “The Carpenters” along with her brother, Richard. She died of heart failure from the effects of Anorexia nervosa.
“Hi Sandy. So many of us want to talk to you because we have something to say—either about our lives and the lessons we learned or advice we wish to give others, based on those same lessons. I am also here for that reason.
“I was a poster girl for Anorexia. I suffered with this most of my adult life and of course, my life ended way too soon. When I sang, the music came directly from my soul, if the truth be told—there wasn’t much fat or muscle to muffle the sound. A thin wall between my voice and the listeners. I loved what I did, and my brother was such a talented arranger and partner. We were quite a pair. But, in the end, the disease won out.
“I’ve reviewed my life and see where I went wrong. Where I failed to surrender to God and instead tried to control a life that I felt was spinning out of control. God would have protected me, I would have felt less stress, and I could have continued with a life that touched the hearts of so many. But I chose to do it alone.”
Karen Carpenter’s life was tragic. Here was a woman whose anxiety ridden life made her feel like she had no control over anything except her own behavior. She focused that self-control on her eating and her image. That didn’t work out so well.
“It never works to try to control anything, you know. We really have no control and, in the end, the efforts to totally control our lives wrap around us like a giant python, eventually choking the life from us. A terrible way to die.
“Anorexia isn’t the only disease caused by over controlling oneself or others—Parkinson’s Disease and so many others fit within that framework, too.”
I probably should interject here since all of this talk about control and disease might be new to my readers—especially since the emotional root causes of illness are never considered credible by allopathic physicians. I’ve believed that they contribute for decades which is why I was so successful in recovering from so many illnesses in my lifetime. One can’t ignore that mind-body-spirit medicine also includes the health of our emotional bodies.
An expert on that subject was Louise L. Hay, who wrote You Can Heal Your Life in 1984, which eventually sold 50-million copies worldwide. In one section of her book, she details the emotional root causes of many different illnesses and conditions, which helps us all identify areas of our lives that need strengthening or changing.
Now, if you only believe in conventional medicine, even they say that a patient’s Parkinson’s disease could be triggered by emotional factors in their lives like psychological stress, trauma and conditions like PTSD as well as depression and anxiety (which coincidentally are the two side effects of trying to exercise too much control over oneself or one’s life). So, even within that facet of medicine, a link can be made between our emotional health and our physical health.
I explained a little about Anorexia in the beginning of this post.
Interestingly, Karen Carpenter has not been the only soul who has come to visit me mentioning that our buried feelings or dominant emotions can often weaken our bodies so that diseases manifest. Her message continued:
“Control is evil because it is based out of fear—fear of finding freedom, finding the answers, being able to handle one’s life and so the only thing we are able to control is ourselves. In my case, I felt overcontrolled—so I controlled back. It distorted my perspective on my body, on what I needed and what was good for me. I was a foolish young woman.
“I’ll be back soon because I know I can help people in many ways because of what I have learned about love and God and life. Talking to you is just the start.
“Sandy, I’m not sure if I made sense at all. I know you believe some of this, which is why I was eager to reach out. Our energy seemed compatible. Plus, I think you related to my music and would sing along with me. That’s nice, too.
“I’m happy I met you and I thank you for giving me a start at helping others. In this last life, I couldn’t even help myself—so from this point on, everything is up. With love and in an energetic harmony, I remain, Karen Carpenter”
If nothing else, dear readers, I hope you will see that there might be a link between living with harmful emotions or stuffing and storing them—and the potential for developing an illness or exacerbating an existing one.
So, the lesson is simple. When you feel out of control or fearful of the way your life is progressing, learn to release control to a power greater than yourself. God comes to mind—but if you’re uncomfortable with God, pick the Universe, Spirit, angels or a departed loved one. Turn over your trouble to them and learn to release the stress. Who knows, you might reduce your likelihood of developing a life-threatening disease.
Can’t hurt to try!